Sunday, March 13, 2011

Marriages are made in heaven, so are thunder and lightning

AC - Humorous Speaker (Project I)
Warm-up your audience
March 13, 2011

A man goes to a marriage broker and says, "Sir! I'm looking for a wife. Can you please help me find someone suitable?"
"Sure!  I can help," replies the broker, "may I know your requirements?"

"Well! She must be polite and have a good sense of humor. She must have knowledge about most subjects. She needs to sing. She must be able to treat my parents and relatives well. I want her to tell me interesting stories when I’m bored and should be quiet when I need to take some rest. Oh! Last but not the least… She needs to be sleek and very attractive"

The broker smiles and says, "I understand exactly what you need. You need a good LCD TV."

Good evening toastmasters and guests,

Every man in this world wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.  But the difficulty is finding all these in just one woman. After all, the law allows you to marry only one. 

Today, I’m going to share with you my saga of getting married and leading a married life.

It was the year 2003… I was in Silicon Valley, USA. I was tall, young and handsome… just like Mustaffa.  Yes! I had more hair too. My parents were aggressively looking for a bride. Every week, my parents sent me pictures of at least 2 brides. But, none of them impressed me. Weeks became months, and months became years. It was 2005, I had seen nearly 98 profiles in 2 years – but, still looking for my perfect bride.

Either the girl that I saw looked like an Aishwarya Rai, but hasn’t crossed 12th grade or she looked like an Oprah Winfrey, with a Ph.D. Either the girl was as tall as our Complan boy Karthik or the girl was as short as a 10th grade student. Either the girl was very fat or the girl was very thin. Either the Sun sign didn’t match or the Moon sign didn’t match. At the end, every profile got rejected.

My parents had a short checklist for who my future partner should be. I had a long checklist for who my future partner should be. Finally, the lists didn’t converge. I decided to lower my expectations. First I gave up a few, then I gave up some more, and finally I had very little to give up. My expectation of a wife came all the way from Aishwarya Rai to Asin to Sneha to finally “some decent looking girl from a good family”.

After 2 long years of waiting, I finally got married in 2005. Had I known PATT then… he would’ve wished me “Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration”.

As you all might know, I’m a very organized person. Immediately after the marriage, I wanted to prepare myself for a successful married life. The first thing that I did was I bought the book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. I read the book page by page, line by line, word after word. After reading the book, I thought I’ve mastered the art of “understanding a women”. I thought I had learned all the tricks to keep my wife happy. A few months into the marriage, I realized “Men are from Mars, my wife is not from Venus”.

Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.

When you wake up early, she tells “You are getting older and not getting sleep”. When you sleep too much “She calls you lazy”.


When you help her in house hold chores “You are making it a mess”. When you don’t help her “You are not considerate”.

When you watch television, “You are wasting time” and when she watches it “She is just relaxing”.

6 years into the married life, things have really changed. Yes! Now, I don’t feel bad when she calls me as “lazy, old and not considerate”.

Friends … many of you are young and are at the age of getting married. Sadayappan… I know you are very eager to lead the 1234 life… But, “think twice before you make the decision to get married… think one hundred times before you say “Yes!” to a girl…. Because…

“Marriages are made in heaven, so are thunder and lightning”.
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