My first day experience in IT industry

ACG Speech #3 - Humorously speaking

Make them Laugh

June 5th, 2011

Do you work for a software company? Raise your hands if you are.

Introduction

I’m like you. I joined the IT industry 14 years ago with a dream to learn new things, a dream to earn money, a dream to own a car, and a dream to lead a quality life. Looking back, I achieved all of them. But, the price that I had to pay was HUGE. It is absolutely impossible for me to recoup what I lost. Yes friends… in a quest to be a successful software engineer, I lost a precious treasure… I lost god’s gift… I lost a crown jewel… Yes... it is nothing but my shiny black hair.

Today, I’m going to share a page from my IT industry experience.

Getting ready on the first day 

June 15th 1998 – a memorable day in my life. The day I started to earn my living. I got up very early and started to get ready. Neatly combed hair - yes, I had lots of hair at that time; clean shave;  wore neatly ironed formal wear including a tie; and squeezed into my newly bought black shoes. With a pile of certificates and mark sheets in hand, I started walking to office.

Dreaming about office environment 

While walking to the office, I started dreaming about how the office would be - a young lady at the reception with a beautiful smile welcoming me; my HR manager in coat, suite and tie eagerly waiting for my arrival; my team members lined up on both the sides of the walkway and cheerfully clapping their hands and I walking between them like a hero; my manager standing with a flower bouquet in his hand to receive me. 

Surprise / Shock after reaching office 

With all these dreams, I reached office by 8 am and opened the doors of HCL Technologies.
What I saw there was shocking. There was a lady near the reception, but with a mopping stick and a bucket full of water cleaning the floor. My HR manager wasn’t there, but an old security guard sleeping at the reception desk. The whole office was empty. Oh! What happened to my team members? Are they hiding in the rooms to give me a surprise? What happened to my manager? Has he gone out to buy a flower bouquet?
With all these thoughts going in my mind, I shook the security guard and woke him up. On seeing me in full formals and tie, he thought I am the CEO of the company. In a shock, he got up and gave me a firm salute. I said “Sir! I'm a fresher and today is my first working day”. When I told him that, he gave me a very strange look. He looked at me from top to bottom and asked me to sit in the lobby.

People entering office 

I started to wait for the HR manager. I waited … waited… and waited… Time is now 10 o’clock and I saw the first soul entering the office. He was in his mid 20s and looked like our Pravin Mani. He looked as if he just got up from bed and didn't even have time to take a bath. His hair was standing stiff with spikes. He was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. I couldn't understand why he was wearing coolers even when he is inside the building.

Minutes passed… another guy entered the office. He looked like our Rajesh. He was wearing a tight red T-shirt and a jeans pant that was torn all over. My first impressions on seeing that guy was... "May be he is from a poor family. He doesn’t even have money to buy good clothes". Later, I was told that it is a fashion to wear tight T-shirts and torn jeans pants.
In the few hours that I waited in lobby, I watched nearly 100 people getting into the office. The HR manager came in at 10.30 am and took care of all the formalities.

Lessons / Conclusion 

Friends, I learned 3 lessons on the first few hours of my IT career:
•    Never go early to office – software engineers start their day at 10
•    IT engineers dress up STRANGE - none of them wear formals, none of them wear polished shoes, none of them wear a tie, and above all, none of them even comb their hair.
•    The IT field is staffed primarily by men; the ratio of male to female software engineers is on the order of 10 to 1. There are a number of good looking girls. But, pretty much all the guys are average. So, for the girls who want to find a man "The odds are very good, but the goods are odd"

Friends, I lost a few hair strands right on the first day at work - because of the excessive stress caused by waiting. This is just the first page from my IT industry experience. You'll see many more pages in my subsequent speeches.

Keeping the Commitment (Successful Club Series)

ALB Speech #1 - Successful Club Series

Keeping the Commitment

May 8th, 2011

What comes to your mind when you hear the word “Commitment”? Well, the first thing that comes to my mind was the contract that I signed 6 years ago. Yes friends, I’m referring to my marriage. That is one of the biggest commitments that I ever made in life & still paying for it ;-)  

(Also read: 3Rs of a Successful Toastmaster)

Don’t worry! I’m not going to bore you with my marriage life again. I do that only during humorous speeches J Today, I’m going to talk about the commitment we all made when we joined toastmasters. The promise is not just to the organization of Toastmasters international or our fellow club members, but it is a promise to our self. This speech is a refresher on the promises we made to our self when we joined toastmasters.

Some body once said “Toastmasters is like an ocean, you can come with a bucket and fill an entire bucket or come with just a spoon and take a spoon full. Keeping the toastmasters promise always helps you to take a bucket full.

Participation

·         To attend club meetings regularly

o   Toastmasters isn’t a correspondence course. We learn to conquer our fears and sharpen our skills by interacting with others. Attending meetings regularly and doing various roles helps us to interact more with others. Toastmaster Priyanandhan once said “I was able to conquer my fears of stuttering because I attended meetings regularly and interacted with others”       

Preparation

·         To prepare all speech and leadership projects to the best of our ability, basing them on projects in the CC, AC, CL, AL manuals

·         To prepare for and fulfill meeting assignments

o   Our performance in toastmasters is directly proportional to the amount of preparation we do. Manuals provide a structure for us to prepare for the  various roles in toastmasters.  

o   Preparation and performance always goes hand in hand. TM Sadayappan & TM Aditya represented us in Division Contest. Can you imagine how many times they would’ve prepared before delivering their best performance in the Division contest.

o   Prepared speeches shouldn’t be impromptu. Table Topics session is meant for that

Patting

·         To provide fellow members with helpful, constructive evaluations

o   For example, “Sadayappan… What an awful speech!? How many times should I tell you to improve your vocal variety? By the time you finished your speech the audience were all sleeping”

o   Rather, I can say, “Sadayappan… You have a great message in your script. All you need to do is just come up with a powerful conclusion. Also, I think your voice volume was a bit low when you said roar like a lion. See if you can raise your voice when you say, “Roar like a lion”. I enjoying mentoring you”    

Providing a constructive evaluation helps the toastmaster to understand their strengths and gives them extra motivation to work on their weaknesses.

Positivity

·         To help club maintain the positive friendly environment necessary for all members to learn and grow

·         To treat fellow club members and guests with respect and courtesy

o   Positivity in toastmasters isn’t there just in the evaluations, but on every aspect of toasmastering. Right from the time someone enters this hall, they’re greeted with cheer and enthusiasm.

o   Leaders in toastmasters try to capitalize on the strengths of individuals towards achieving common goals. Thus, impossibles become possible.

Promotion

·         To bring guests to club meetings so that they can see the benefits of Toastmasters membership

o   How many of you joined or attended toastmasters, because a friend said so. Raise your hands. Wonderful!? Let us not keep the treasure called toastmasters just for ourselves. Let us bring-in guests and other new people to the club, so that we can learn from each other.

Parliamentary

·         To serve the club as an officer when called upon to do so

o   Clubs do not run spontaneously. Each meeting requires planning, co-operation and plenty of team effort. If meeting participants are the movie stars the club officers are the directors. They act behind the screen for the members to have a wonderful learning experience. When the club needs your leadership, you can volunteer for that to sustain the momentum of the club.

·         To adhere to the guidelines and rules for all Toastmasters educational and recognition programs

·         To maintain honest and highly ethical standards during the conduct of all Toastmasters meetings

o   For those of you who might’ve watched the scenes in Assembly and Parliament, Toastmasters meetings are very different. There is high energy and enthusiasm, at the same time it maintains a high standard and there is a lot of discipline/decorum being maintained.

o   We don’t bribe the judges in contests. We maintain high levels of integrity when we play various roles.

I wrote a short poem to summarize our toastmaster’s promise:

I’m a toastmaster…             

I participate in meetings, but don’t precipitate

I’m always prepared, so I’m not afraid

I help others to perform, so that their skills can reform

I give everyone a pat, that’s the best way to get them to act

I’m a toastmaster …

I remain positive, even if my blood group is negative

I treat everyone fair, they being a guest or a DTM doesn’t matter

I’m ready to serve the club, because my heart says so with every single lub-tub

I’ll follow the rules, as it helps the club to reach its goals.

I’m a toastmaster!!!

You are what you eat

AC Gold - Humorous Speaker (Project II)
Leave them with a Smile
April 4th, 2011

Last week, I had been to Sadayappan’s house - he was rehearsing his modified contest speech.

If you want to be a monkey, eat bananas and insects

If you want to be a giraffe, eat shrubs, leaves and barks

If you want to be a buffalo, eat the movie posters

If you want to be a lion eat the monkey, giraffe, and buffalo

His little niece Aishu looking at his uncle doing the gymnastics… asked… Mama… If you want to be a human what should you eat? For a change, Sadayappan wasn’t puzzled on getting this googly from his 6 year old niece. He said “Aishu! Humans eat Chicken 65, deep fried aloo tikka, and double cheese burgers”. 

Good evening toastmasters and guests… If you eat a chicken, you’ll be a chicken… if you eat an animal, you’ll behave like an animal… if you eat a fried potato, you are sure to put on more weight. You are what you eat!!!

Some people are overweight due to heredity reasons and some have animal instincts by birth. I’m not going to address them. I’m going to talk to the remaining folks who chose to be overweight and who chose not to have control on what they eat.

When God originally created man, man was lean and fit. God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach; with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so man would live long and healthy. But, look at what man did using God's gifts;

God gave man healthy vegetables, nuts and olive oil to cook them. Man created deep-fried chicken 65, butter-dipped chicken popcorn. Boom… man's cholesterol went through the roof and started chocking his valves.

God gave potato, which is naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Man peeled off the healthy potato skin … sliced the starchy centre … added lots of salt and deep-fried them in animal fats to create French fries.  Boom… man became like a potato – fat and obese.

Think about how our life style and eating habits have changed in the last several decades. Rice, dhal and roti … GONE … Burgers with chicken patty ON.  Dosas are GONE… Pizzas are ON. Ice more and fruit juices GONE… Ice Creams and SODA… ON.

Our food habits not only made us unhealthy, but also forced us to be cruel to animals. My friend dragged me to McDonalds last week. After having our dinner, he was reading a newspaper. He saw the headline “Tiger enters a village and eats a farmer”.  He told me – “I feel bad for the farmer. How can an animal possibly prey on an innocent victim?” I looked him up and down and said “Explain your feelings to the chicken you had in the burger just now”. What is the difference between the tiger that ate the farmer and the man who kills animals to satisfy his appetite? 

Do you know – it takes 3 times more land, energy and water to feed a non-vegetarian when compared to feeding a vegetarian. Nearly 30% of Indians are without proper food and nutrition. Toastmasters are nice and kind people. Do you want to be cruel to the people who starve to death – because you are practicing a non-vegetarian diet?

At the end, a healthy body creates a sound mind. Eating healthy vegetarian food definitely helps you to live longer. Look at me now… I’m vegetarian for the last 10+ years and I’m healthy active and very energetic. Look at Ramesh Daswani who just looks like a college grad even at this age because of his healthy vegetarian diet.

I was doing my regular morning walk one day. I saw an old man rocking in his chair on the portico of his house. I couldn’t resist looking at the old man… he was short… but fat… his skin had wrinkles, hair was grey. The old man was happily reading a newspaper with his thick glasses.

I went to the old man and said "Sir! I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never eat vegetables. Oh… I never exercise."

"Wow! You managed to live this long. So, how old are you?" I asked.
The man got off his chair … folded the newspaper and said... "I’m just twenty-six; I look very old because of what I eat".

I know you don’t want to be like that young man who looked like very old because of his unhealthy diet. I request all of you to eat a healthy vegetarian diet… because YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

Table Topics - Theme "Christmas"

If you are the Table Topics master for the Christmas special toastmasters meeting, you can get benefited by the questions listed here. This blog post has table topics questions that you can ask in your toastmasters meeting with the theme as "Christmas".

Also read: Table Topics - Theme "New Year"

1) What is your most memorable Christmas celebration?

2) Even today, I believe in Santa Claus because ...

3) I love getting gifts, but I hate buying it for others.

4) Why do you think we should not have a holiday for Christmas?

5) If you have an option to change the costume of Santa Claus, what would you do?

6) I'm jealous of Santa Clause because ...

7) Christmas reminds me the state of our economy, every year

8) I don't believe in buying things during Christmas Sale because ...

9) 5 things that you like to do during Christmas holidays.

10) Why do you think Christmas should be celebrated by everyone in this world?

11) Why do you like Christmas so much?

12) 5 reasons why we should not give gifts to others on Christmas.

13) Christmas holidays should be a month long

14) If you have unlimited money, what is one electronic gadget that you would buy for yourself? Why?

15) You get a phone call from Christ on the day of the Christmas. What would you ask him?

Also read: Table Topics - Theme "New Year"

Table Topics - Theme "New Year"

This blog post has table topics questions that you can ask in your toastmasters meeting with the theme as "New Year".  If you are the Table Topics master for the New Year special toastmasters meeting, you can get benefited by the questions listed here.

Also read: Table Topics - Theme "Christmas"

1) What is your most memorable new year celebration?

2) I love new year ! But, I hate the celebrations.

3) I hate taking new year resolutions because ...

4) What are the changes that you want to see in our country in the new year?

5) What are your new year resolutions?

6) What is the ONE new year resolution that you take every year?

7) 5 things that you would like to stop doing, starting this year?

8) New year resolutions are meant to be broken.

9) What if you got promoted to be the CEO of your company, this year? What would you do?

10) I love new year celebrations. I hate new year.

11) The BIG THING that is going to happen in your family in the new year.

12) If you are given the power to change the new years day (i.e., from January 1st to some other day), which day in the year would you choose?

13) I'm already perfect. I don't take new year resolutions.

14) Why do you think the world is going to come to an end, this year?

15) Every day is a new years day to me.

Also read: Table Topics - Theme "Christmas"

Table Topics - Theme "Independence Day"

This blog post has table topics questions that you can ask in your toastmasters meeting with the theme as "Independence Day".  If you are the Table Topics master for the Independence Day special toastmasters meeting, you can get benefited by the questions listed here.

Table Topics - Theme Independence Day 

1) What is your most memorable Independence day celebration?

2) What do you normally do during Independence day holidays?

3) Which is the most memorable trip that you took during the Independence day long weekend?

4) I wish we had not got Independence

5) The modern generation does not understand the power and value of Independence

6) What if our country has not received Independence?

7) If you were a leader who fought for Independence, what would you have done differently?

8) 5 mistakes that our country did post Independence

9) I love the movie "Independence day" much more than the actual "Independence day"

10) Who is your favorite national leader? Why?

11) Why would you not join politics?

12) Why should our youth take an active part in our country's politics?

13) Why should the country not declare holiday for Independence day?

14) Independence day celebrations should be month long. Not just a day or a couple of days.

15) I love to be a slave, than being independent?

16) We are slaves even post Independence.

17) If we are going to be slaves again, which country would you think will capture/control us?

18) Assuming that we are not a Independent country today, how do you think the modern Independence

day struggle would be?

19) Today, we are Independently Interdependent.

20) Women has not still received Independence from the male dominated society. You can talk for or

against this topic.

21) Why do you think Independence day celebrations are not environment friendly.

Table Topics - Theme "Memorial Day" or "Flag Day" or "Defender of the Fatherland Day"

"Memorial Day" or "Flag Day" or "Defender of the Fatherland Day" - The day may have many names. But, the purpose is the same. To thank the heroes who protect us, protected us and are protecting us. 

The following are some table topics that can be used in toastmasters meetings with the theme as "Memorial Day" (USA) or "Flag Day" (India) or "Defender of the Fatherland Day" (Russia)

1) If you have unlimited sum of money, which job would you like to do?

2) What do you normally do for Labor Day weekend?

3) If you are given an option to join our army, will you take the offer? Why or Why not?

4) I'm proud of my army men, because ...

5) If your son/daughter wants to join the army, will you allow them? Why or Why not?

6) Should we spend more money on the army? Why or Why not?

7) Quote: War does not determine who is right - only who is left. - Bertrand Russell 

8) Quote: If we don't end war, war will end us.  - H. G. Wells 

9) Quote: In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons. - Herodotus 

10) Quote: The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy.  - Friedrich Nietzsche 

11) Quote: Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind.  - John F. Kennedy 

12) Quote: Only the dead have seen the end of the war. - George Santayana 

13) You don't have to be really part of the army to serve the nation.

14) Who is your hero in life? Why?

15) If you would want to be a real hero? Who would that be?

Table Topics - Theme "Quotes"

• Small things make perfection, but perfection isn’t a small thing.

-              Anonymous

• Dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

-              Thomas Jefferson

• It is better to have loved and lost.. than never to have loved at all

-              Alfred Lord Tennyson

• I love everything that’s old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wines

-              Oliver Goldsmith

• It is better to be envied than pitied

-              Anonymous

• He travels fastest, who travels alone

-              Rudyard Kipling

• Everything is funny as long as it happens to somebody else.

-              Anonymous

• Work a lifetime to pay off a house. You finally own it and there’s no one to live in it.

-              Arthur Miller

• Love is as strong as death. Jealousy is as cruel as the grave

-              Bible

• What’s in a name? That which we call a rose … by any other name would smell as sweet

-              Shakespeare

• Throw a lucky man in the sea, and he will come up with a perl in his mouth

-              Arab Proverb

• Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference

-              Robert Frost

• The butterfly counts not months, but moments … and has enough time

-               Rabindranath Tagore

• The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining

-              John F. Kennedy

• The more we elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate

-               J.B. Priestley

• Loose lips, sink ships

                Anonymous, World War II Poster

Table Topics - Theme "Back to school"

This article has Table Topics with the theme "Back to school"

Terry - "Back to school" promotions - Are they a boon or a bane (persistent annoyance)?

John Love - Most of the teachers, establish rules on the first day of school. If Ray Downen is the teacher of 1st grade students, what are some of the rules he would establish?  (John Love)

Don - When you were a kid, "Why did you like going back to school"?

Min - How would you motivate your son to get the best grade in school, this year? 

Warren - You are the head master of a school. This is the first day of the school. You had promised everyone that you'll give a speech about "punctuality". You are late by 15 minutes. How would you start your speech?

Cliff - Imagine that Hillary becomes the President of USA. She selects you as the Vice President. You should persuade Hillary to sign a bill that forces all the employers (not just schools) to announce a mandatory 3 months summer break.

Chris - Why do you think the summer break should be just 1 week instead of 3 months?

Maren - Which is the most memorable summer break that you had during child hood?

Erica - What are some of the things that you would do to impress your teacher on the first day? 

Ray - We are your students. Talk to us on the subject "Plagiarism is the short cut to success".

Blanca - You are the head mistress of a school. You notice that the newly hired teachers aren't dressed 'appropriately' to the school. You called them all for a meeting. What would your pep talk to them, be?

Hana -You are the owner of a local stationary store. Why do you think we should buy "back-to-school" items from your store than from Walmart?

Carmalita - Did you ever got night-mares about going "back to school"? Why or Why not?

Mark - What was the most costly 'back to school' item that you ever got?

Karen - Kids give a lot of excuses for not going to school. What was your most creative excuse for not going to school?

Ron - If you are the President of United States for just one day, what are some of the changes that you would bring in our education system?

Gil - When you were a kid, what did you think, you would become in life? Did your dream come true?

Marty - You are the teacher of 10-th grade students. How will you explain them that participating in sports is important than academics?

Wada - Does spirituality help in getting good grades, even if you don't do your homework?

Sam - Do you think the gas price & current inflation have any impact on the "back to school" spending?

Michele (?) - Which one do you like the most - "summer break" or "winter break"

Table Topics - Theme "Voicemails"

Voicemails

It was a Saturday evening ... you are at home, lying on the couch, watching your favorite TV channel. You receive a call from your boss. You are wondering "Why is this guy calling me over a weekend?" You let the phone to ring for a while and it goes to your voice mail.

You are in an important meeting... You receive a phone call on your mobile from your spouse. Boom... press a "cancel" button and it goes to your voice mail.

You are a lazy person. You rarely charge your mobile phone. Any call that you receive... Zoom... it goes straight to your voice mailbox.

It is easy to avoid a problem or person, by letting a call to go to your voice mail box. What if you were the person who is making the call? How'll you handle situations requiring you to leave an effective voice mail? Well, in our table topics today, we are going to rehearse just that.

1) What if you were that boss, who have to leave a voice mail to ask your employee to come to work over a weekend? What will be the content of your voice mail?

2) You were dating someone and you met another person who is more interesting and exciting. You want to break-up with your old girl/boy friend. You call them to let them know that it is not working out. The call goes to voice mailbox. What will be the content of your voice mail?

3) You promised your wife that you'd take her for a movie tonight. Of late, you've been breaking several promises that you made to your wife. Your wife is not very happy about that. When you were about to leave office, your boss stops you and says "XYZ, I've an important business presentation tomorrow. I need to discuss a few things with you. Can you spare a few hours for me this evening?" You call your wife to let her know. It goes to the voice mail. What will be the content of your voice mail?

4) Imagine that you were living with your friend. Your friend was not at home. You took your friend's brand new BMW for shopping - without letting him know. On the way back to home, you bumped your friend's BMW into another vehicle. You are calling your friend to let him know about the accident. However, it goes to his voice mail. What will be the content of your voice mail?

5) Which is the most memorable voice mail that you left?

6) Which is the most memorable voice mail that you got?

Voicemail has now become one of the mediums of communication.  However, when we make phone calls we are normally not prepared to leave voice mail. The result is - we loose business; we strain relationships. So, the next time you make a call, decide what will be the message if it goes to the voice mail box.